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I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. [07 May 2009|11:56pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Things to do by July:
Get braces removed.
Clear skin.
Lose 50 lbs.
Get a job.
Get a tattoo.
Get a tan (maybe).
Like myself more.

Possible pen/new names:
Evelyn, Claire, Wendy, Alice, Lillian/Lily, Genevieve, Anita, Betty (probably not, to avoid 'Boop'), Ramona.
And, of course, Virginia.

I have an odd dark spot on my hand (it's sort of an ash gray) that won't go away. It's not a burn, or a scar, or a zit. Curious.

While browsing about, I found the livejournal of a cancer patient from 2006. His last entry suggested that he wasn't doing well at all, and that he was "very scared". Then, nothing. I can only assume the worst. This got me to thinking about my own death. Would anyone rummage through my history, and find this? Would anyone care to read it?
And what would my funeral be like?

Would I be a pretty corpse?

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And all that color and light. [06 May 2009|01:03pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

When everyone you considered to be "on your side" leaves...
Who is left?

They love you when you're on top. When you fall, a favor is out of the question. Kind words die, and glances are averted.

And to think, we had a deal. It wasn't only simple human kindness that you've managed to ignore, but we had a by-god deal. Thank you for allowing me to adore you for years.

There is a reason my girlfriend wants to end her life.
And day by day, I see why.
These people feign importance and dominance, pretending that High School actually means something. They exaggerate it' importance to the point where the motto has become
High School is Life.
But it's not life. This institution is merely a holding grounds, where they squash you and send you out into Real Life. Real life is cruel too, but even prisoners have rights, save those lucky howler monkeys in solitary confinement.
In fact, it's not prison. High School is more like a menagerie.
Yes...a zoo.
One is locked up, put on display, and fed once. We're encouraged to segregate ourselves. (Eww, don't talk to that guy.)
Why do students bring guns?
Why don't they?
We all want revolt, somewhere. The problem lies in the fact that most students don't care enough to bring about real change. They'd prefer enduring four, six, twelve years of being prodded and teased by peers, poisoned by lunch programs.
Humiliated by teachers.
Suckling on the ice cold bosom of a system that couldn't care less. They feed us pins and needles, but most don't notice.

They don't want me to graduate because I'm "so smart!", or because of how much "potential" I have.
They want me to graduate becaue they want to feel like /they/ didn't fail. There's no reason I shouldn't be--I'm intelligent enough.
So, if it's not my fault, where does the blame lie? It must be their fault, non?
And I could have been valedictorian. I could have worked my ass off, sucked the dick of every teacher until that cool A was in my hand. These people are the prides of our system. The cream of the crop, if you'll pardon the cliche.
These people are the unhappiest, most socially retarded people I've ever met.
Mark Doebler was once known to throw a tantrum for a poor grade (B and below). He's now valedictorian of my class, and in a relationship with a virtual leech. Before he came out of the closet, he had one friend (excluding family members). He lived in a fantasy world, collected dragons, and idolized not only Rowling's golden child, but Hannibal Lecter as well.
His entire life is now devoted to being gay, and instead of developing a real personality, has clinged to an old-fashioned stereotype. His knowledge of anything outside the "homosexual agenda" (and possibly maths) is limited, at the very least. He lives behind a mask, including himself in activities that he used to have a passion for, now only used to keep up appearances--both in real life and on a college transcript.
Our salutatorian Nick Borushko has "friends", but rarely communicates outside of his small group. He has no tact, compassion, empathy. He ridicules "stupid" people (always at a safe distance; always behind his armor), but has zero knowledge of literature, politics, common sense, or the arts. His only intelligence lies in computers, and even so, how far does that stretch?
He rarely leave his bedroom. He's also severely depressed.

Oh, but next year's class is promising!
David Ryan, the valedictorian of the class of 2010. How happy is he? How many friends does he have?
Ashley is in the Honors Program at Ferris State University.
She doesn't know the second planet from the sun (Grace My Heart! Sailor Veeeenus!), and thought that the Civil War took place in the 1400s.

How happy are these people? How will they succeed? Who HONESTLY cares about High School performance outside of High School?

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I've seen diamonds cut through harder men. [03 May 2009|10:34pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

So, I'm back, roughly a year after my last post. Once again, May is here. The big one. Definitely going to Hooters for my birthday.

To clarify, here's a brief update.

I'm dating Morgan. I was wrong about her sexuality; she's full out lesbian.
Didn't go to prom this year. Didn't want to have to turn down David Ryan, etc.
Just got done with All Shook Up a couple of months ago. Was amazing. So much better than Beauty and the Beast.
Mark's still with Markie. What can ya do?
Don't hate David Ryan.
Have a new fish named Othello. Black Moor. Should be dead soon.
Going to Chicago on 28 May.
May or may not graduate. Not concerned either way.
Still want to do music education.

No quiz this time.

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Lord Almighty, I feel my temperature risin. [17 Sep 2008|05:58pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

I'm so fucking tired of the people who work for the prison I attend. We're getting better, the fights aren't as often, the bomb threats have been non-existant for TWO YEARS, and we're trying to make improvements (we, meaning 70% of the student body, exluding the neutral 30%). And what do they do? Create more rules. I'm ahead on my damn online class, and yet I still can't go TALK TO THE PRINCIPAL about setting up a date for discussing the GSA we have planned. What the fuck? I'm trying to do something nice. You're making it increasingly difficult not to be a fucking punkass like I used to be. Also, I absolutely LOVE double-standards. A group of sophomore girls who are SUPPOSED to be working can come in during sixth hour (when I am working on my British Literature work) and TALKRILLYLOUDLYOMGOMG, but in the morning, when no one's around, my friends and I can't talk at a normal level in the library. Nobody is trying to work. We have nowhere else to go. We have no work to do. What the hell, people. If people were WORKING, then we'd shut the hell up. But right now, I think that bitch is just upset because she has a whiny cunt hangover or something from drinking too many daquiris (or some other puss drink) with her ugly, middle aged girlfriends. I hope she gets raped by bears. Anyway, quiz time.

I suppose this works for me... Got it from here.

The Chestnut Tree: The Honesty (May 15 to 24) (November 12 to 21)

The person born under the Chestnut Tree will:

possess unusual beauty
not want to impress
possess a well-developed sense of justice
be vivacious
be interested
be a born diplomat, but become irritated and sensitive in company, often due tolack of self-confidence
sometimes, act superior
feels misunderstood
love only once and have difficulties finding a partner

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Knock knock. "Who's there?" Philip Glass. Philip Glass. Philip Glass. Philip Glass. etc... [02 May 2008|03:58pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

So prom is tomorrow. And I'm not going. Am I sad? Well, yes. Because everyone that I know really laid the guilt on me for not going. But next year I will go. And get a fabulous dress, too.

I've started on my Butterfly Boys story. Added a couple characters. And unlike any of my other characters, these two are based on people. Actually, one is based on two people: Joshua E. and Jacob B. Hence, his name is Ernest Jacobson. I don't like the name much, but he's a minor character. I do enjoy how the story is going so far, however. Which is good. Usually I detest my stories.

Went to Mark's yesterday. Tried to cheer him up, succeeded a bit. It was pretty fun. And hopefully tomorrow, I'll go hang with the group, hopefully sans-Tim.

Got a letter from the LMASB. I have two-hundred more dollars in my account than I thought! Not much, but every bit helps.

But then I got a nessage on the machine from mom. Something's up with Sophia. I tried calling, but she didn't answer and didn't call back. I'm really worried. She was crying. Why does everything bad happen to the best people? I love her so much. I hate the pain she goes through.

But nevermind that. I'm a sentimental old fool. RENT's closing date is being pushed back to September, which is GRRRRREAT. I have a chance of seeing it!
Prolly not going to Vegas this year, but oh well. Next year for sho.

I want to start Bento. Really badly. I used to love bringing my lunch. And it's so fun. And bento boxes are really cute. I want a blue rabbit one. There's one on J-List for 30 bucks that is just plain fantabulous. And it helps with portion control and such. I also want a nose ring again. Is that random? Oh well.

Not much else, la dee da. Or at least, nothing important.

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If you don't say you love me, I'll [kill] you. [23 Apr 2008|08:25pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So last weekend was kind of a bummer. And this week has been somewhat of a rollercoaster, with high highs and, well, you get the idea.
First time in some time I haven't celebrated 4-20. Bittersweet.
Anyway, hopefully this weekend I'll be heading downstate to go see 'Forbidden Kingdom', since last weekend's plans were cancelled/postponed. Maybe Mark can go. Who knows? He'll be a whining little fickle bitch without Markie there to suck on, but still, when I can chip away the whole lovesick puppy act to get back to the pre-Markie fun Mark, I still enjoy his company.
Saw Ryan for the first time in a couple years last Saturday. He scared me a bit. Usually I really have a weakness for goth-ish guys (I know, I'm lame, whatever). But, he was a tad frightening. He wouldn't look at me for about an hour, (even though usually people that see him tell me that he either says hi or asks about me, eliminating the whole 'grudge' possibility), and when I looked at him, it was just a wall of hair covering his face (except the giant nose).
Went to Claire's yesterday. Bought some hairties and an adorable pair of Hello Kitty armwarmers. Last Friday, I purchased a ring from Wal*Mart while volunteering there for the Red Cross with Willow and Mark. Twas fun, I suppose. Really hot punk guys were there, and I saw Sheldon, Sunny, and Patty! Hurrah!

Arghh, I get so tired of posers. I never thought I'd say that since 7th grade, but it's true. Emily "Canned Ham" Harris is now dating Morgan "NaruTard" Whitman. Now, Morgan MIGHT be BI, but Emily is as straight as a fucking razor. It's like, alright, we get it. You're 'down with the fags'. But you don't need to pretend like you're something you aren't.
Not even kidding, you guys.
And it's so obvious she still likes Mark. xD I just wish someone (besides her ex-boyfriends, both of whom I have tremendous respect for now) else would tell her to shut the hell up. I know I'm not the only person sick of her. Other people have said it too. Akjfpwovihrenguoo8iyrg!!!

I'm not going to prom anymore. That's a little disheartening, but I'm doing it out of the goodness of my dumb old heart. There's always next year, and who knows? I might even snag a date.


Who am I kidding? I'm the anti-crush, in spite of the small group that claims that David Ryan likes me. Which isn't farking true.

Mr. Robson is sick. This worries me. I really sincerely love the man (not in a Hot for Teacher way, perv), and if he gets SICK, I honestly don't know how I'll be able to finish high school, or at least high school band. :[

Book Update! I've been reading a ton lately.
Tuesdays with Morrie sucks.
Among the Hidden was bad.
Wicked was fabulous, but I already know that. I just hadn't gotten the chance to finish it before and just got done re-reading it.
Malcolm X's Autobiography was very insightful, though reminded me how evil organized religion of any sort is, and reignited my hatred for the White Man.
Fast Food Nation is good. Though everyone knows how bad the Fast Food industry is.

I wish I could find a CD of the original broadway 'Sweeney Todd'. All I have is the album. Dx Not very portable, you see.

Ugh, May is nearly here. That means that my birthday is just around the corner. Once again, I'll be forgotten. Ah well. But I'll be another year closer to leaving home, and the real world should be an adventure, especially considering I've looked into a few art schools (I've changed my mental major from writing to composition and music...after all, being a novelist doesn't require a major, and with a music degree, perhaps I could teach as a means of paying the rent). So far, I've only found three that catch my interest. The locations aren't bad either. Seattle, New York, and San Fransisco are all places I can see myself ending up, if I stay in the US. n_n
I know, teaching? Me? Balderdash.
But it's really not. Teachers in the arts are just so different than others, particularly in the Math and History departments. Science teachers can have a certain flair, as can English, really, but...it's not the same. Also, teaching's not a bad gig. Nice pay, summers off, etc. I could do it. Also, being a band or music teacher means no papers to grade, and if I did High School, then that means that the students I tought were mainly there because they WANTED to be.

Except I would meet young versions of myself.

And that would be dreadful.

You are an Atheist

When it comes to religion, you're a non-believer (simple as that).

You prefer to think about what's known and proven.

You don't need religion to solve life's problems.

Instead, you tend to work things out with logic and philosophy.

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It's you, I'm waiting for. [11 Apr 2008|04:42pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

I'm at school!
Livejournal works at school!
And I fucking fucking fucking hate Emily.

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Totemo takai yo!! [06 Apr 2008|05:09pm]
[ mood | creative ]

Last night was fun! We had this plan to meet up all the B&B cast, but only Megan, Alyssa, and the Whittemore kids (sans David and Jon) ended up going. Watched movies, talked about Harry Potter (a LOT...I had a lot built up inside me from not talking about it), etc. Twas fun. If not, poorly planned...well, oh well. I have no regrets. Though the parents of the other Whittemore kids probably hate me.
But I'm just so loveable. They'll forgive me. ;D Right? No? Damn.
Fixed my computer. It's still a tad slow, but at least I don't have to use dad's anymore. And I'm getting my mp3 player replaced. Even though dad didn't want to call in and replace it. He thought that Wal*Mart would have replacement cords (that's what we thought the problem was at first). So we went there, and he got pissed off, because Wal*Mart is shit and doesn't help people, but the guy working in electronics was very very gorgeous, so I don't mind the trip out there too much. ;D

I keep having strange dreams. I'm in a nightclub. And there's no one around but this one guy in the corner, and he's smoking, and dancing, but not looking over at me...it's weird. I can't remember anything else.

Oh, also, I think Megan's basement might be haunted. I hate to be such a Cerra sometimes, but it's true, I still believe in spirits and the like, so when I see something, I can't help it! I have to take note.

Mark read (and finished) JtHM. And enjoyed it. Poor fellow. He's becoming more like me every day, and how I do pity that. Still, it's a good series, and at least now I have someone to talk to about it. He's talking to me about the musical, too, so at least he didn't throw the book at me and fall to the floor in a fetal position while speaking in tongues. None of the characters so far are definite, but I do have a few planned out. If I actually finish it, it will be great fun. I'd perhaps even send a copy to Jhonen, if I got up the courage.
Ah well.
Hm...well, here, anyway:

Your Thinking is Abstract and Sequential

You like to do research and collect lots of information.

The more facts you have, the easier it is for you to learn.

You need to figure things out for yourself and consider all possibilities.

You tend to become an expert in the subjects that you study.

It's difficult for you to work with people who know less than you do.

You aren't a very patient teacher, and you don't like convincing people that you're right.

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I will break into your thoughts. [03 Apr 2008|11:27am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Yay! Now I haves pink and purple hair. And I got to hang out with Mark yesterday, which was cool (except when I got him in trouble a couple times because I was tired of listening to him talk on the phone, but really, don't invite someone over just to ignore them. That's not cool either. Dx).
Hopefully John and Ashley will pull their shit together so we can go to the movies on (I'm hopin' for Friday). Then maybe we'll do the whole TBP cast reunion thing. Should be fun. I want to see those guys again.
Anyway, back to hair, yeah. It took fucking three and a half hours. She went step by step to awesome-ify me. She did a good job, too. We were there until almost 10. Love you, Shannon. Sorry I kept you from your children and such. Dx I should take a picture. People keep telling me to. I need to.
I will.
I promise.
That's all I have to say. I'm glad that I'll be watching it sans-David. He kind of put a damper on the fun of the theater experience. So critical of everything besides himself. No wonder he wants to play Claude Frollo so badly. He's practically Frollo+Gaston in some kind of deranged hybrid villain.
Next weekend is another Lions Band rehearsal. I LOVED the last one. And next year I don't even have to audition to get in; I'm stoked. But yeah. It was nice playing alongside people who don't suck. Very comforting was it to be able to take a breath without having the band lose the entire alto section for that split second. I still have quite a bit of money to raise, though. And I'll need a homestay for the rehearsal, since my dad can't drive me there. I wish I could bring a friend with me. I met a couple people there, but not knowing anyone is a bit frightening. I'm painfully shy, but usually I'm pretty good at hiding it.
Hm. Well, I'll cut short. Since we were talking about hair, though, this one should do nicely.

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind.

You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

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I've got a girl&&she likes to shop. [31 Mar 2008|05:41pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

So yesterday was uneventful. As has been today, thus far. Ashley's working, Mark's at his uncle's, and well...the rest of my friends I can function without, to be honest, so fuck them. Haha.
I recently recieved a nice sum of money for prom things. It's nice having it around. I'm honestly really stoked about my dress. Even though I won't have a date, the dress is, at least, really sweet.
But anyway, I'd better be doing something tomorrow. Hopefully before this week is through, I'll be getting my hairs did. Brown and pink--should be cool. I'm excited anyway. I like changing myself. There's nothing about me spectacular, that anyone will miss, so why the fuck not change every once in a while?
Last night I watched some backstage clips from Beauty and the Beast. I wasn't able to get them to play on my computer until then. It was a little frustrating. But then it worked. There aren't many, and they're just done on MSP so they're nothing special, but hey, they're at least a little fun, right? I like the one of Remington in particular. I had a crush on him during the play, anyway. xP The Mark one's cute, too. And it was an accident. I paused the vid to go get some grapes, then came back, and that's just what his face was. I laughed and screenied that betch faster than you can say 'frangelupicus'. I'll give a link to the cut that the icons are on at the end of the entry.
I wish I had a car. I want to go shopping. This is a somewhat rare craving of mine, but once in a while I like going out and just buying new things, making a day of it. It's even more fun when I take people. n_n Perhaps see a film. Love it.
I've been ranting too long. I'm sorry. Anyway, um...oh, right. A quiz. Let's see...

You've Been Bit By the Shopping Bug!

You're constantly adding to your wardrobe - and it shows

However, you can show some restraint. You love good deals.

Your love of the clearance rack has paid off...

You probably have only maxed out card or two, if at all!

And here are the icons:: Certain as the sun...Collapse )
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Covered in mud. [29 Mar 2008|08:56am]
[ mood | sore ]

My knee really hurts.
I mean, to the point of where when I was changing the gauze, I almost cried. And pain doesn't make me cry. I have a rather high pain tolerance. But yeah. Father came home yesterday, and asked to see it. I showed him. His only words?
"You should've gotten stitches". Well, gee, thanks. I know.
He really put a damper on my plans...I wasn't able to go to Tawas with Roy, Mark, Willow, and Bassi yesterday. So I probably won't be talking to Mark at all this weekend. He'll have no doubt already made plans with Markie, and will, therefore, have forgotten about me.
Such is life. He says that the relationship he's in won't put a roadblock in our friendship, but I told him that it would. And that I was alright with it.
Mark is stubborn. He didn't believe me. But it's true. Look at what's happening. And rightly so, I suppose. Even though I've always maintained a 'bros before hoes' mentality, I'm aware that most people do not.
This is sure to be a dull spring break. If I don't get out of here, I might go mad and end up degrading into some sort of caveperson.
Ashley's busy. Mark is, well, should I even attempt? It makes me feel incredibly pathetic to call over there and have them tell me that he's at Markie's.
Yes, this has only happened once, but still. That's irrelevant.

I want Best Friend bracelets. Cortney/Lindsay/Alba have these cool necklaces with rainbow tag-things that are 'Best Friends Forever' themed. I liked them. I want one. But they already have them. And I'm no copycat.
(At least, I like to pretend that I'm original. ;])

Nothing more to say. This was somewhat short. Perhaps I'll record daily things, then post them up here once a week. I've seen people do that. Why not? Who knows. I'll have a lot of free time on my hands now that my best friend is dead.

And since it seems to be the theme today, why not?::

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Accepting

No matter what a friend says or does, you try your best to understand it.

And your friends feel like they can tell you anything. You don't judge.

You know that friendship is a journey - with a lot of ups and downs.

If you and a friend grow apart, you get over it quickly... and leave the potential for future friendship open.

You tend to have many friends from many walks of life. Anyone you meet is could become a friend.

In fact, you are especially interested in people who are a little different than you. Seeing life from another perspective is something you cherish.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else with their secrets

You really can't be friends with: Dogmatic, stubborn people

Your friendship quote: "Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes."

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Um, oh yeah. [08 Jun 2007|05:13pm]
[ mood | determined ]

Which NIN album are you?

The Downward Spiral

You are insanely dark. You need serious mental help. You tell a much clearer story than your big rival CD, The Fragile, but are 100x more morbid.

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker

Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm"

You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone...

Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-)

You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear.

Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing.

The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person.

Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life.

You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face.

Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life*

Your Geek Profile:

Gamer Geekiness: Highest

Geekiness in Love: Highest

Movie Geekiness: Highest

Music Geekiness: Highest

Fashion Geekiness: High

General Geekiness: High

Internet Geekiness: High

SciFi Geekiness: High

Academic Geekiness: Moderate
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First post, take two. [08 Jun 2007|12:04pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

So I'm on Myspace a lot more than I'm on LJ. And I'm on DA a lot more than I'm on Myspace. And I'm on Neo a lot more than I'm on DA. You get the point? So anyway, I think I'm going to use LJ a lot more, if only to show off my fancy chibi Sephiroth mood indicators. Look at him! He is ADORABLE!

I do a blog on myspace. I rant and I rave.
But I don't really post a lot of 'personal' stuff on there. You know, about my 'life' and all? Mostly, it's just opinions on music, pop culture, etc. I think the life stuff will go here. Yeah.

So I guess I'd better close with an update of recent events. Maybe later I'll do a little 'about me' post, so you's guys know who I am, kapish?

I'm flying out to Las Vegas tomorrow from Seattle. Yay! I'll be spending the summer there, getting a job, all that. So...yep.

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Revenge of the first post!! [18 Sep 2006|08:08am]
[ mood | awake ]

Let's start this bad boy off right with a quiz, shall we?

You Are Midnight
You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.
Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.
Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.
You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.
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